Confucius Says, by Veronica Li
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Confucius Says, by Veronica Li
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Confucius Says is a novel about caregiving for elderly parents. Cary, a middle-aged Chinese American, was brought up to believe in the Confucian virtue of filial piety: serving one's parents is a sacred duty that requires extreme sacrifice. Thus when Cary's parents become too feeble to live on their own, she takes them in with the blessing of her Caucasian husband, Steve. But the more Cary tries to please her parents, the crabbier they become. A string of crises drives Cary to the verge of a meltdown. She finally confronts the source of her troubles: Confucius. She reads the Book on Filial Piety to see what exactly Confucius says about the subject. To her surprise, she finds his sayings are quite the opposite of what she's been taught to believe. Liberated from her misconceptions, Cary rediscovers filial piety as a universal formula for a functional, loving modern family.
Veronica Li, an immigrant from Hong Kong, received her B.A. in English from the University of California, Berkeley and her master's in International Affairs from Johns Hopkins University. Li was a journalist for the Asian Wall Street Journal and other organizations. She later joined the World Bank, for which she traveled extensively and got her inspiration for her thriller, Nightfall in Mogadishu. Her second book, Journey across the Four Seas: A Chinese Woman's Search for Home, is a memoir of her mother's life.
Confucius Says, by Veronica Li- Amazon Sales Rank: #1688015 in Books
- Published on: 2015-05-20
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .58" w x 5.51" l, .73 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 258 pages
Review "A story of a woman caring for her parents with as much filial piety as she can muster... Cary's journey through caretaking is paralleled by a deepening of her understanding of Confucianism, her parents' religion. A deep examination of what it means to see one's parents through the end of life, Li's book is also in many ways the story of a woman coming to grips with her heritage. An affecting look at caring for aging parents and a story of the nuances of Chinese culture."- Kirkus Reviews kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/veronica-li/confucius-says/"In this era of unprecedented longevity, this story of caregiving for elderly parents is most timely. While love for parents is a natural instinct, the Chinese codify it with a set of written guidelines. Through a humorous and entertaining story, the author uncovers the universal truths in Confucius' teachings and applies them to a modern-day family." --Yong Ho, co-chair, Renwen Society of the China Institute"Veronica Li's Confucius Says is a wonderfully engaging book about a tough topic. With good humor and warmth, she takes us on an emotional epic journey of one family's experience with caregiving, providing insightful wisdom about how cultural values color our relationships. A must-read for anyone with elderly parents, but especially for all Asian Americans." --Gil Asakawa, Asian American Journalists Association AARP Fellow"I laughed my way in and cried my way out of this book. By turns hilarious and searing, mystery novel and textbook on aging, at its core this is a love story. As one of many who have taken on the task of caring for parents till the end, I'm deeply moved by this book." --Vilma Seeberg, Director, China Studies and Education Project, Kent State University"Confucius Says is a poignant portrayal of a Chinese family's adherence to filial piety and the impact of this tradition on everyone in the family (including the dog). The author captures eloquently the emotional roller coaster of parental caregiving--a ride that whizzes through the terrors of aging and dying interspersed with the exhilaration of love, life and liberation. Humor is sprinkled throughout the book, facilitating the reader's acceptance of the full range of emotions associated with this undertaking." --Ginny Gong, host of TV talk show Ginny's...Where East Meets West
About the Author Li once worked as the World Bank's loan officer for Somalia for 13 years. Before joining the bank, she was a journalist for the French news agency. She is now retired.
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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Ignore the cover, this is a lovely book By Anne Vaughn Li's novel about a Chinese-American woman who comes to grips with her traditional obligations to care for her aging and often ungrateful parents in modern western society is thought-provoking, funny and engaging. In Chinese culture, filial piety is seen as a religious obligation that must be honored. The fact that the novel's heroine, Cary, is married to a westerner and lives in the United States, does not in any way diminish her parents expectations of the support and care which they see as their due. And, at least at the start, Cary is quite prepared to take her already elderly parents into her home for the remainder of their lives. With their children grown and away from home, Cary and her American husband, Steve, find room for them by moving downstairs to the finished basement and turning the main floor over to Cary's parents -- already quite a sacrifice on their part.As a westerner reading this book, at first I found the parents' expectations unreasonable and Cary's unquestioning obedience to their demands hard to understand . We read terrible stories of the elderly being abused by their offspring, but here seemed a case the elderly parents abusing an all too-obliging daughter. I wanted to tell her to stand up to them. I felt sorry for Steve who was torn between obliging his wife in her desire to carry out family tradition and protecting her from the excessive demands of her parents. But as Cary learns to cope and starts questioning what the goal of filial piety is really about and what its limits are, I realized that the issues here are not just Chinese issues. I recognized some of the same problems that I had faced with my own aging parents even though they did not live with me or expect to do so. How can I best care for them, help them when they needed it, and still tend to the needs of the rest of my family and keep my sanity? In the end Cary does this all with both love and humor. She is an inspiration to the rest of us.I would recommend this book to anyone who has had to be a caregiver or may do so at some stage in their lives. In fact, I would recommend this book to anyone who just wants to read a good book that will make them angry, make them laugh, make them thoughtful, and maybe make them a better person.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Unexpected Hilarity Hidden Behind a Deceptive Cover By JadeT I picked up this book on a family member's recommendation, but took me a while to actually get around to reading it -- at first. DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE! Let's face it -- the cover is *not* the best...... (Publishing company what were you thinking?) Once I started it though, I quite literally didn't put it down until I finished it. All in one go. I'm pretty sure I laughed at least once every chapter! Yes -- I admit it -- I committed the cardinal sin of every book lover and judged this book by it's cover. (Horrors of horrors, I know). But I think anyone should be forgiven if he or she glanced at the cover and thought, "huh, probably some deep, stodgy, cultural commentary on confucianism in the chinese family." The funny thing is...he or she wouldn't be wrong! EXCEPT, insert 'HILARITY' in place of 'stodgy.' And take those stereotypes about boring non-fiction cultural autobiographies that just popped into your head and throw them right out as well! It's actually a story! (Okay, it does read a bit like an autobiography, but it's actually fiction, aka a novel you actually want to read.)Reading this book, it was remarkable to me how well Veronica Li tapped into the Chinese-American psyche. I'm not talking about your parent's Amy Tan 'Joy Luck Club' kind of Chinese-American book that you had to read in grade school (sorry, not to offend any Amy Tan fans out there). I always felt a sort of disconnect with the Chinese-American immigrant identity in Amy's books that I was supposed to identify with in high school. (Uhm no teach, I don't want to express to the class how deeply the only assigned Asian authored book makes me feel connected to my cultural roots). Part of this, I think, reflects how much things have changed over time, and the "American-born Chinese" of my generation holds a different mix and balance of asian and western values and opinions, than they did perhaps in Amy Tan's time. (Actually, how old is she? I feel like I should know these things by virtue of being a fellow asian.) Veronica Li's writing beautifully illustrates the strange dichotomy, messy jumble, and at times contradictory impulses of our thoughts and actions that often come about as a result of being a hybrid of two different cultures. One moment you find yourself righteously making a stand as the modern, independent individualist. And the next, you're scratching your head in doubt, because wait, my asian parents have made so many sacrifices that (dare I say?) most caucasian parents generally don't, and shouldn't I take them into my home? Of course, I've completely read this book through the lovely, still cataract-free, lens of being a young asian twentysomething, so take my comments as you will.Oops. Perhaps I should have talked less about my perceptions and more about the actual book. Well, dear reader, let me leave you with this pithy yet hopefully illuminating description. Veronica Li's Confucius Says is, indeed, about the interesting, and emotionally-wrenching, tensions that arise with end-of-life care issues and our elderly parents when one is a product of two cultures. BUT. What makes her book 5 stars to me (and not just another bland cultural identity in America book I feel obligated to read due to said asian-ness), is the incredibly RICH, deeply self-aware, subtle and witty vein of humor running beneath the dialogue throughout the entire book. Stand up and applaud people. Because that is hard to do. Veronica also does something I haven't quite yet pinned down with her alternating viewpoints, which adds an unexpectedly fascinating dimension to the book's storytelling as well.All in all, this book is a hidden gem for any Asian-American -- I'm looking at you, fellow asian twentysomethings. Go forth and read young'uns!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Funny and touching, great book! By Scott Veronica Li firstly tells a great story, but also provides a kind of guide for caring for aging parents. Funny at times, heart breaking at other times, but always enjoyable to read. I'm at a point in my life where we are having to think about how we will find ways to care for and support our parents as they get older. This book offered poignant anecdotes into that process.Though this book is wonderful for those caring for elderly parents (or who soon will be), it would also be useful for those in the medical profession seeking to gain insights into some of the complications, humor, and more intimate details of multiple generations living under one roof.Great for a wonderful read and also relevant, given the aging population. I highly recommend this book.
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